The Raw Truth Uncovered
This morning I crashed, no, not a car crash but an inner crash. It was pretty raw. Crashing is never pretty, but then pretty is fleeting and hard to hold onto.
Nine years of HARD work to help people change their lives. Trying relentlessly to fill classes both in cooking, yoga and my coaching practice. The struggle is real, the marketing is never ending and the trying to look perfect is unforgiving.
I used to fill classes easily. Why so hard now? Am I missing something?
When you keep praying to God to give you answers you better be willing to listen.
I’ve heard that the definition of insanity is, doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. That has been me, in so many areas of my life.
Apparently I don’t like change, but it is the one thing that will ALWAYS happen. There is no avoiding change.
The trick is to navigate change in a way that brings us to a place that we chose to be.
When you have grown up in drama you live by default accepting pittance from people and sometimes even yourself.
We are all wonderful creations from God and need to remember that.
Crashing will remind you of this if you are willing to deal with the pain and then let it help you rebuild.
This morning no one showed up for yoga. I have actually been teaching for 12 years but lately not very well.
How can you teach when you are losing yourself? Yoga is a journey of self-exploration, but if me as the teacher is not willing to go there I am not teaching. For the last couple of weeks my inner self has been hurting my classes.
There has been so much family drama since the beginning of this year. When my stepfather of 48 years died it was a tremendous loss. I will spare you the details, but losing someone you felt was your father only to later find out that you were not considered blood but the rest of your family was, creates a second level of pain. It creates a whole new level of loss that I have not navigated well.
Adding this to the fact that only three years earlier my biological father had a stroke and handed all his worldly goods to a friend of his and doesn’t really speak to my brother or I now.
I questioned what it all meant. I felt small and unimportant in life. I felt like an orphan.
I still don’t have the answers but I do know that maybe it was what I needed to bring about the crash. I probably needed this to bring about the change and the shedding of what is not serving me any longer.
I am sure my students felt it. To be a great teacher or leader of anything you don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be real. I was trying to push through and teach anyway. What I needed was to take a hiatus. You can’t give what you don’t have.
Now the raw exploring begins…Am I doing my clients any service? Not really. Over the years I just kept adding services but never letting anything go.
Apparently, I think I have some kind of magical time clock, which gives me more hours than anyone else.
In reality to have a life of balance and a business that I can enjoy again, I need to let go and move on.
That said, I will no longer be coaching clients, my current clients are being referred to my colleague.
For now we will still have yoga at 9am on Thursday’s. If you want to do a power class or do chanting you should go to another studio, but if you want to go on a journey of change, being able to define who you are, think more clearly and over all feel better then come share the time with me.
In the meantime I will be solely focusing on putting together my new coaches certification cooking course. It has been something that I have been putting together on the side. Many of you have already purchased some of my Done-for-You programs and watched webinars. The unveiling of the new curriculum will be coming soon.
RAW is ugly but it is real. Now I can move onto my work that is in alignment with where I am today.
The coaching that I did in the past was enjoyable. I loved hearing from people that I helped change their lives. I was trying to hold onto that.
Don’t be a mental packrat. Let go, grow and develop into all you are meant to be today. Just because you let something go doesn’t mean you are failing it means you have mastered and are moving up.
I feel freer and lighter already. Talk soon.